Easy for you to say "God needed another angel" since God didn't ask for yours.

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Our society is so death-and-grief phobic – It’s okay to be scared of grief or distress, but please don’t try to reason it away. I know from experience that some things can only be endured, and that all we do is offer support and love.

Out most difficult task as a friend is to offer understanding when we don’t understand.

Here are 7 things you should never say to a grieving person:

1. “He/She is in a better place.”

We want them here. It doesn’t make us feel any better knowing they are at Disneyland or on a cruise… or in heaven. The best place for them to be is here on earth, alive and healthy, with us.

Try saying this instead: “You must miss him/her terribly.”

2. “Everything happens for a reason.”

You can’t possibly imagine a reason for what happened. It’s hard to cope with the reality – that life is random, and that horrible things happen, and that sometimes it’s for no “reason” at all.

3. “Things will get better.”

This isn’t true – time just passes. Time will never heal this empty place in our hearts.

Try saying this instead: “I will be here for as long as you need me."

4. “I know exactly how you feel.”

Most of us have all had some taste of loss or own grief experience. There are some aspects of what they’re going through that we might be familiar with. But when you say, “I know exactly how you feel.” It’s as though you are elevating yourself to their level. In reality, you don’t know exactly how they feel. You only know how YOU felt, what YOUR experience was like – They are a unique person and their loss is unique.

Try saying this instead: “I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know that I am here for you."

5. “At least…”

Saying “At least you have your other sibling.” Or “At least you have your other children.”

They’re irreplaceable. Our loved ones are unique and fill a special place in our lives.

Trying saying this instead: “I know how special he/she was to you and how much you loved him/her.”

6. “This was God’s plan.” Or “He/She was such a good person that God wanted her/him to be with him.”

This can create anger towards God or a higher power. It is very important to know the individual’s belief system before mentioning anything about God or a higher power. Do not assume the person has the same faith or belief system that you do.

7. "Be strong for your parents."

Please don’t discount our loss. Who is going to be strong for me? This creates a sense of guilt and a burden of responsibility.

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You would be surprised how many people never reach out because they are very uncomfortable. If you don’t know what to say - share a memory of his or her loved one (even if you feel like you’re not in the inner circle)

In truth, there’s not much to say. ‘Grief’ is simply a five letter word used to describe an emotion of immeasurable weight and palpable emptiness; what can you possibly say to someone feeling that?

Your fellow "grieving person,"

K